"Doubly Whiskey, Coke, No Ice": In which we seek to emulate a balding man, and are embarrassed as a result.

If this guy doesn't just SCREAM "You wanna be just like me don't you? In all my beard'n'glasses-ey glory. Sweating and balding, red of cheek and ear, I AM A ROLEMODEL"... Well I scream back "YES! Yes I do want to be just like you! You are glorious, Craig Finn of The Hold Steady, and your glory is a glory that begs like a god-damn puppy-dog to be emulated."

And you know the best way to emulate? I'm gonna posit that it ain't ordering the same drinks that he may or may not order. But should the un-best-ness of the method put me off from trying it anyways? Heck no! Am I right?

mp3:The Hold Steady - Constructive Summer REMOVED AT RECORD COMPANY'S REQUEST. You can still hear 'Sequestered in Memphis' though, right here.
(from Stay Positive)

1:08 - "Me and me friends are like: / "Double whiskey, coke, no ice""

I'm in a bar. Or more accurately, a Wetherspoon's pub. As referenced by The Rakes, in a now-dated fashion ("the smoking bit"...). Oh dear. I just mistyped "dear" as "dead". I should have left it as it was.
But the lyric is on my head, and it feels like a challenge. It takes five or so minutes to get served, which is fatal, because the boring part of me wins out in its reasoned and honourable drive to cut out the "double" part. I do the rest of it all the same.
"Whiskey, coke, no ice."
"What?"
Shit. Down at the first damn hurdle.
"Whiskey and coke. No ice."
He thinks I'm a twat.
"What whiskey?"
Aw for chrissakes... What's with all the hurdles, dude? This isn't even meant to be a damn race, never mind a silly one with fences to jump over. Craig Finn doesn't look much like the athletics type. He'd never get this kinda treatment. He'd never be found in a Wetherspoon's.
"Oh, umm, Jack Daniels."
"What?"
Jeeeeeez. He definitely thinks I'm a twat. He's mostly right. Was it my fault for not speaking loud enough, or his for not hearing me?
"Jack Daniels."
He gets it. Maybe he thinks I'm ordering the drink for someone else. Doubt it. Why didn't I go double? Coz you save a whole bloody quid, a'rite? That's half a chips-in-a-pitta.
"No ice, yeah?"
"No ice."
"That's £2.60, mate."
Meh. You can write songs about the ordering part, you can definitely write songs about the being drunk part, you can even write songs about the hangover part. But who the hell ever mentions the paying for drinks part? NO ONE. COZ IT'S BLOODY BORING.
I'll quit before the waiting-for-change part.
Drink was good though.